A Confused State of Being

Rain

2006-04-17T08:55:00.000-07:00

is okay. It is the snow at the end of April that gets me. Does it seem that all I ever do is come here to bitch? At least no one reads it anymore. I would like to say something clever here but there is just nothing left by the time I get around to posting. It has officially all been said and done. The fat lady has sung. It wasn't that great, the singing, but the buffet after was good. I am thinking that this post will end my days of blogging. It was a fun run and not like the kind you do in shool PE. Thanks for the memories and all the presents y'all sent. Minus the presents, dirty bastards!

Howdy....

2005-12-30T10:30:00.000-07:00

and such. It has been so long since I posted that I have forgotten the finer workings of the whole blogger thing.
I am not really sure why I posted today. I think that it is because Lisa went ahead and linked me in her recent post and then I thought what if someone followed it. That would not be so bad except for that the last post I wrote sucked ALOT
of monkey ass. Trust me...sucking monkey ass is not a good thing. Unless of course you are of the monkey ass sucking persuasion. I digress.
So...speaking of monkey ass...I just finished and environmental science class. I got alot out of it. I now know so much about blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Maybe I'll get a good grade. Likeley not.
Went with the ole Lisa to get my haircut yesterday. I like my hair. It is full, long, shiny, and soft. Everything you could want in hair. Unless you are the girl that cut it. I told her that I want to keep the length but adding some layering and some bangs would be a good thing. When I said keep the length she said...oh, darn. So then she went to wash it and told me that my hair felt like "crap" because it was soooo dry. Okay...possibly but not likely. I have my hair cut every two months and I have NEVER had anyone say anything like that. They are always full of compliments about how healthy it is.
Anyway the point of this story is that now I am all hurt and paranoid that my hair might suck and all these people of the past have been lying to impress me.

I have no life.

and here we go again

2005-08-15T17:40:00.000-07:00

Did you miss me? I thought so. I am at school trying to ignore the whole introduction thing. My name is becky. HA!!! introduction. geez I just did the thing that I hate the most.
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast...and it drove the mimes downstairs crazy!!!
Also there were these two cows in a snowy field and one asked the other whether or not he was worried about the mad cow disease. The other turned back and said "why no I am a penguin!"
That is all

I am turning over a new leaf

2005-07-26T12:44:00.000-07:00

HAH!!! made you look. I only said that to get your attention. But I think that it worked.
I went for a fun filled day of jet skiing at the ole lake yesterday. I have never driven one of those before and found it VERY exciting. I can even stand up and drive at the same time but only cause there are no lines to follow. Lines make everything just a little bit harder but most especially standing up to drive.
My kids totally loved the whole trip. They called the wave runners water motorcycles. That was amusing. They were scared the first couple of times going but the little troopers kept at it and eventually found a peace that can only be brought by loud two strokes engines on a large and choppy lake.
I got a little sunburned...the whole red head out in the sun with no sun screen on thing. The ex husband got really sunburned...the whole guy who never goes outside going on a lake with no sunscreen thing. The kids???? Just fine! I never let them out without sunscreen on. Gosh I am a considerate parent. It is mostly cause I like to sniff the fumes of the coppertone though.
All in all it was a glorious day and I think I should do it again. How's about tomorrow at your place?

I am alive

2005-07-21T21:29:00.000-07:00

or so they tell me. I had a fantastic surgery...or more importantly fantastic drugs for the after surgery. Isn't that what is the most important thing anyway? Yes I think so. Actually I totally lied, I absolutely hate taking anything for pain cause it gives me panic attacks. That whole introduction was a crock of shit. Please don't judge me though, it is my non-uteruses fault. That damn non-exsistent thing. Actually I have to admit I think I am glad that it is gone. No more bleeding until I almost pass out. That can not be all bad.
I have been sitting here on my ass for one week now and I still have only posted once (that would be now). How pathetic...as opposed to parenthetic...or parental...or mental...or dental.
Speaking of dental Lisa has 10 cavities. Sucks to be her. She has cavities and a uterus. Huh, funny.
Anyway, I have decided that my new excuse is going to be that I have no uterus. ie. run into the wall, sorry, no uterus. Forgot to keep that appointment, sorry no uterus. Killed that guy that was driving me nuts, sorry judge, got no uterus. I will let you know how that turns out.
Well I am going to bed now. I have had my xanax, which lately seems to be a precursor to sleep, terrible nighmares since the surgery. It's got to be because I have no uterus.

Schwarzenegger was wrong...

2005-07-13T09:42:00.000-07:00

It is a tumor. But not a cancerous one so that is good. I will be having surgery tomorrow to get it removed. It is in my uterus (girly parts) and so they wil be doing a hysterectomy. The good news is NO MORE PERIODS!!! woohoo
yeah so suprisingly i will not be posting for a while. Or I will. one of the two. If I die look for something in Lisa's blog...probably at the bottom...in small print...god I am loved.

CLEANING SUCKS!!!

2005-06-05T19:41:00.000-07:00

and I used to...
well I guess that sometimes I still do but the occasions are few and far between.
I think that makes me feel old...or maybe just not as sexually ambitious as I used to be. Could it be? Am I actually maturing? NAH!!!
Speaking of the word maybe...In second grade I was in a spelling bee and then I got third place because of the f'ing word. I HATE THAT WORD!!! anyway, I spelled it mabey, and I think that it should be spelled that way! Then and only then would I have won. DAMN!!!
Speaking of spelling...I would like to thank Lisa for the lovely spelling corrections in the last post...She is a godsend! I was just beginning to think I was perfect! I am glad to know that I am actually human...that goddess stuff is just a little too daunting for me.
Speaking of me being a goddess...have you ever had someone say that they had put you on a pedestal and then told you that you fell off and were walking in the muck with the rest of the world. Yeah, well I did. I don't think that I should ever be put on a pedestal, especially in a skirt with no underwear...then everyone could see my stuff.
Speaking of stuff...I think that I have said about enough of it so godbye, whoops, was that intentional???? Goodbye!

Well....

2005-05-29T10:15:00.000-07:00

The whole I was going to post that night didn't quite pan out. I think it was the beer. There was aaaaalllllllloooooooootttttttttt of it. But what can you do? ohohoh I aknow I can go ahead and drink more beer! I am full of brite ideas.
So then the happy elementary I work at is out for the summer which means I may well be off for the nest three months. Who am I kidding I have been and always will be off.
I was just reading the dictionary. I like the E words.
Well I will tell more stories later. For now I have to go and beat my meat. Actually just marinade it. The meat is chicken you sick bastards!!

I have a headache

2005-05-02T20:13:00.000-07:00

I heard that orgasms help
Any takers?

I feel....

2005-04-18T21:08:00.000-07:00

Like fried shit on a stick
a little sunburned
sore throat
hot left hand
cold right hand
tired eyes
belly ache
head ache
sinusey, if that is a word,
and all the lovely things that go along with the fried shit thingy.
Speaking of shit....
I HAVE NO MORE KIDS IN DIAPERS!!!!! WWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOO
that is because I gave them away. No silly, not the kids the diapers, and actually I gave the diapers away after I needed them NO MORE!!!! This just may well be the happiest moment of my life. Diapers were costing me 15 dollars for a bag of 50ish and I had to buy them about once every week and a half. That is not good. NO!!! that is not good. BUT, the underwear on the child is good. The stickers on the poopoo poster are good, and, the trip to the zoo to celebrate with Lisa and her kids was also very good.
I finally got him to like going poo because of the poop song which is as follows...

poop 1
poop 2
poop 3
poop 4
poop, poop, poop, right out the door
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8,
poop, poop, poop, now don't be late.

If you want, you can call me and I will sing it to you. My number is 12.
HAHAHA. That is what I say to guys when they ask me for my number. It is so hard to be beautiful. It is also hard to be a rock. HAHAHA no, but seriously...Why do flamingos stand on one leg?

Cause if they lifted it up they would fall down.

Well I am off on Wednesday to the land of Arizona to see my uncle, stay in his guest house, eat his food, drink his beer, swim in his pool, and all for free. I LOVE MY FAMILY!!!
Wish me fun and luck cause I have to fly and my arms might get tired. HA! jokes I am actually just afraid to fly. It's that whole Black Sheep movie thing where they say
alive alive alive DEAD!!! Either that or it was the part where he hooked his coat in the plane door as it was taking off.

Don't worry, I won't wear a coat. I won't wear anything! That should solve that problem. Sweet dreams all. nighty night

Writing a post from school

2005-04-11T18:21:00.000-07:00

I bet you think that I am tricky. Don't you but really I just have a laptop and a wireless connection. So far in this class I have an A. That is because it is the first night and I have yet to hand anything in.
Oh well, just because it won't last doesn't mean that you can laugh at me. So in the last class I got an A- so hooray for me.
Well more from my exciting life next time but for now it is back to the grindstone. And yes this is the most interesting post you have ever read. You can thankme in the comments.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

2005-03-30T22:57:00.000-07:00

Happy anniversary to me and my blog
Happy anniversary to me and my blog
Happy anniversary to becky and her blog
Happy anniversary to me and my blog

but not today yesterday. Are you proud of me? I made it a year. WOW!!!
I have even made more than one post. Barely more but at least more. I have to get back to the homework so slap me on the ass a few times and wish me luck. No harder, HARDER!!! yeah that's the ticket. goodnight

OUCH!!!

2005-03-26T10:37:00.000-07:00

I done went and got me a new tatoo. It is a cutsey butterfly on the top of my foot and it looks as though it has just landed there which it kind of has seeins' how I got it yesterday. Yeah it was pretty painful thanks for asking.
Mrs. Lisa was going to go with me but then Mr. Lisa had to go and fix some stuff for his mom and so then she went with him. Geez you would think they were married or something. Well I guess you can't win 'em all. Unless you can and then do.

Thought of the day: A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.

I'm afraid

2005-03-22T19:58:00.000-07:00

I'm afraid of fuzzy spiders
i'm afraid of jumping spiders
i'm afraid of four wheeling
i'm afraid of skiing
i'm afraid of heights
i'm afraid of graveyards
i'm afraid of flying
i'm afraid of base jumping
i'm afraid of parachuting
i'm afraid i spelled that wrong
i'm afraid of horror films
i'm afraid of seeing blood in movies
i'm afraid of spooky films
i'm afraid of the dark
i'm afraid of dying
i'm afraid of living forever
i'm afraid of the unknown and illogical
i'm afraid of someone who is already dead
i'm afraid of him still being able to see me
i'm afraid I will never resolve that issue
i'm afraid my kids will die before me
i'm afraid I will die too young to see them grow
i'm afraid to drive but do it anyway
I do alot of things i am afraid of:
riding in elevators, jumping off the high dive, opening the door to strangers, going to sleep
Some, like sleep, are unavoidable. eventually it has to happen or, death. Which is also unavoidable.
Some people are so afraid to die that they never begin to live. -Henry Van Dyke
Am I one of those people? I am afraid that if I am not now, I soon will be.

ahhh the insanity

2005-03-15T18:55:00.000-07:00

So I thought that I would go ahead and write about the last two weeks of my life. Mostly cause I don't know what to write about the last two weeks of yours.
So late one night in the middle of a deep and peaceful slumber, I was awakened at 2:30 a.m. by the shrill tone of the telephone. I got up all the while saying the appropriate @#$%^&$%#$$#$^@#@$# words and answered this most sleep invasive call.
"Hello?" I said in a rather groggy voice.
"yes is this becky?"
"uh, yeah." duh!!
"this is the city police department" said the all too business like voice on the other end.
"okay...."
"ma'am, we have a situation downstairs that involves weapons and need you to make sure that all your doors are locked, your windows are shut, and all the light are turned off."
"alright" but first let me shit my pants, I thought.
My ex was in the house also waiting for another glorious watch-the-kids-while-I-go-to-work day. I urgently woke him with a -you get one kid I will get the other meet me in my room no time for questions-.
We met back in the room and the ex went to pee. Suddenly I heard voices outside and stealthily stole a peek out the bedroom window.
There were about 20ish cops in full gear with those m-16 rifles pointed at my house.
SSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!
Just then the phone rang again.
"becky?"
"yeah"
"The suspect is outside, on the west side of the building, and he has a gun, where are you?"
DAMN,"uh on the west side of the building."
"We need you to move quickly to the east side of the building and keep away from all windows and glass."
DAMN! "okay"
"we will call you back"
DAMN!
so we sat there the four of us and waited and waited and waited.
About forty-five minutes later, another call
"Becky?"
"yes"
"we are going to evacuate you now."
"okay"
"gather anything you might need for the night I will stay on the phone with you."
brief pause
"okay I have everything"
"Okay we need you to go towards the carport" said miss officer
so then I open the door and all of the sudden three of these huge cops, complete with guns, run over and block the path.
"oh, becky? We need you to go out the back door."
useful information BEFORE I OPENED THE FRONT DOOR
So an officer met us at the back door, trained a gun in the general direction of Mr. PSYCHO, and we rushed down the stairs and through the garage.
At the garage three more guns with cops met us and ushered us to the car where we got in a drove off like a bat outta hell!!!
Went up to my mothers, rang the doorbell, dad answered,
"hi dad, there is a standoff at my house and we got evacuated, wondered if we could stay here"
"WHAT!!!!!!!" said mom
about 4:30 I got a call from city police that said the suspect was in custody and we could go back home.
"yeah, no, I think we will just stay here for the night. Thanks!"
So that was exciting. The neighbor downstairs got all hopped up on xanax and then drank too much and went crazy with first a pistol, and then the 12 gauge. YIKES!!!
Moral of the story? Don't answer your phone in the middle of the night and then none of these things would happen. er something!

the other extra exciting thing is that my oldest son keeps getting strep throat so the doctor put him on 6 weeks of antibiotics and last week he finished the meds, and this week he has strep again. DAMN!!!
he is going to have to have his tonsils out. He will be five on Sunday. Sad!

Well that is all.

So...

2005-03-12T09:16:00.000-07:00

Good news and bad news

2005-02-28T16:16:00.000-07:00

first the bad news.
this is all i am writing

Hell of a weekend

2005-02-21T11:44:00.000-07:00

You may now be asking yourself why so I am going to tell you...
First things first. Thanks to all for the Happy b-day's, I didn't do much for it. I went to my mummies for dinner and then came home and watched The Notebook and cried for an hour. Which, by the way, is not normal, I have never cried because of a movie before. Girls if you have PMS and need a good cry holy shit get that movie! Any way I digress, I woke up Saturday morning to my ex-husband with an abscessed tooth and my jaw hurting like HELL!!! Coincidence? I think NOT! (or so) Anyway I took him to get his tooth fixed and that only cost my half my life's savings. He has no insurance and so I helped him out with an IOU. Then it was home to sit and wallow with my jaw still hurting like HELL!!!
Then rolls around Sunday. Beautiful day Sunday, unless of course your jaw hurts like HELL!!! Yeah, sorry, anyway all weekend was spent popping ibuprofen and whining until at last on Sunday night I could not take it ANYMORE! I went to the ole doctor and they said "How bad does it hurt?" and I said, "like HELL!!!" and they said "We uh think you uh have uh TMJ" and I said "Oh that explains why my jaw hurts like HELL!!! And they said, "here, have some Loritabs." And I said "OKAY!!!" but also I said, "can't have the drugs without the xanax because of the whole panic thing" and they said, "here have some xanax" and I said, "OKAY!!!"
Then I went home and took the loritabs and then my jaw didn't hurt like HELL!!!
But then I woke up this morning and my jaw hurt like HELL again.
so now I will go and take more drugs.
thanks you for your patronage
please drive through

My internet works

2005-02-16T21:07:00.000-07:00

sometimes. it sucks. This new house and the wireless stuff hurts my feelings. Yeah but so far that is the only complaint. Oh and the roaches. HAHAHA there are no roaches. Of the animal nature. HAHAHAHA or the herbal nature either.
yeah so then I think that I am okay. But I am not sure.
So anyway I think that I am going to go to the looney tunes factory soon. Ya know to join all of you. That is all that I can think of that doen't make any sense. If I keep going on I might say something profound.

WOOHOO!!!

2005-02-11T19:50:00.000-07:00

YEAH BELLE!!!!!! woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo woohoo!!!!

Things I have done while I have been gone

2005-02-05T18:39:00.000-07:00

Or maybe it was you that was gone. hmmmmm
but back to the list
I packed
I moved
i unpacked...mostly
i worked both jobs
i went to school
i gotta A- in religious traditions
I got in the middle of a bar fight
I got canned from one of the jobs (restaurant)
I drank some beer
I drank some more beer
I planned a trip to Arizona in April with April
Drank more beer
I got my taxes done and back
I said WOOHOO about the taxes
I drank some more beer
Well that is about it.
Sorry no, I didn't take any naked pictures
BOOHOO for you.
but really I love you anyway. You know I do. C'MON!!! K well bye

It has recently come to my attention...

2005-01-22T11:17:00.000-07:00

That I don't post enough
I really don't post enough
As a matter I fast I really really don't post enough
It has also recently come to my attention that I am a movie star. Now we all know that I am hot enough but here is why. Someone is getting pictures of me somehow and they just might be compromising and I have no idea how. I would like a copy though. Wouldn't you?? Yeah that is what I thought. You can wipe the drool off your chin now.

I watched Cold Mountain for the first time last night. DAMN MOVIE!!! Don't get me wrong, I thought it was good but still, DAMN MOVIE!!!

I am going to be moving probably next week. Lisa isn't the only one with people in high places. Although her people must be higher up then mine cause she can't even remember how many bedrooms are in her house. I think she lost count. DAMN DAMN DAMN!!! HEHE Lisa, don't bomb me for that one.

And also I fina-fucking-ly finished that class that kicked my toe all the way to Mexico. (yeah I know) I will give you a grade for it if I didn't suck the duck totally. YUCK! Duck sucking is below me. Sometimes

Well it's off to the races. Minus the races part.

oh where oh where has my...

2005-01-13T11:50:00.000-07:00

little dog gone? but minus the dog and add chicken. no, not chicken how about aspirations? haha, i said ass...
yeah so haven't seen you in a while. Lisa says it's cause I never post but most of the time she is full of shit anyway. It's a good thing I like shit!! but wait cause that sounds soooooooo gross and yucky and all the things evil in the world.
Speaking of things that are evil, I am going to take the lesser of the two. yeah. you would think that posting every three weeks would actually give me something to write about but you are WRONG!!! So I will try to do something exciting and let you know about it soon...or we could do something exciting together...yes, no? (wink wink)

I can't think of a clever title

2005-01-03T20:24:00.000-07:00

Can you? It is pretty sad when I only post but once every two weeks and still can not come up with anything clever.
It is another lovely day in Utah, minus the lovely part, and the sun is shining, minus the shining, and all is swill, oh I mean swell. Went back to work today. Beings as I work in a school I had the Christmas holiday off from that job. It was fun coming back but I don't miss the days off. Do you??? HUH????
I decided that because I didn't stay up on New Years I would stay up the next night until four in the morning and yes I know that sentence didn't flow well. My oldest got sick and he gets the ole fever induced seizures. I ended up taking him to the horse-pital so that he could have a shot in the butt for the strep in his throat.
HEHE
and that is the exciting news of the day. and the week. and maybe the month but I am not sure yet. But to finish a silly new years poem
New Years
As the clock chimes twelve
and the couples start to kiss
I think back on all of the things I have missed
The year was not great,in fact one of the worst
(especially the part where some ass stole my purse)
but this year will be great
this year will be grand
this year I will hire a full on brass band
to celebrate the fun and celebrate the cheer
ummm... I can't think of anything else
so will you pass me another beer??

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2005-01-01T19:37:00.000-07:00

New year,
A time for reminicing
A time for new post,
A time for working in the morning,
A time for going to bed at 9:00?????
Jeez am I am loser or what?
I went to bed at nine.
given I had to work in the morning
given I am sick
given I already had wished CHAZ a happy new year
BUT STILL!!!!
What have I become the epitome of a party pooper or what???
Well anyway I have a fixed computer and so now all y'all can leave me beautiful haloscan comments and I will respond accordingly. So now I love you all blogging world and thank you for all that you think and all that you do and all that you think you do.
HAPPY NEW YEAR AND MAY ALL YOUR RESOLUTIONS COME TRUE!!!

SHITTY!!!

2004-12-22T21:13:00.000-07:00

Computer broken
At neighbor's house using his
Be back as soon as fixed
thank you for your patronage, please drive through

A poll

2004-12-13T20:57:00.000-07:00

So I get a call from the ex-boyfriend the other night about midnight. He asked what I was doing and I said Slepping, it's midnight, what do you think I am doing? And then he said oh, me and my new girlfriend were horny and drunk and thought we would call you. And I said oh, what, do you think that I will be there in ten minutes to take care of that for you? and that is where the conversation ended.
Well then the next day I called him and asked why he was calling me that night. He said that he thought that him me and the new girlfriend could have a three way. I said F NO and that was that.
Well then I was telling a guy about it and he said that If I was going to have a threesome I would call you. And I said WHAT? and he said that I give off that vibe. and then I was telling Lisa about the whole thing and she said well yeah, you do give off that vibe. and then her husband said yeah you do and what I want to know is this...

DO I GIVE OFF THE "LET'S HAVE A THREESOME VIBE?"

not that it is a bad thing either way but damnit I want to know. I didn't think of myself as the type

my computer sucks ass

2004-12-11T16:18:00.000-07:00

I can't get rid of stupid pop-ups. I get like one every minute or so. It sucks. I have been trying to avoid the computer. SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!

Stupid Pencil Maker

2004-12-06T21:51:00.000-07:00

Some dummy built this pencil wrong--
the eraser's down here where the point belongs.
And the point's at the top--so its no good to me.
Its amazing how stupid some people can be.

-Shel Silverstein
Falling Up pg. 60

Just a glimpse...

2004-11-30T22:32:00.001-07:00

I jolt out of sleep
Oh god, not again!
I feel my pulse, yes racing, always racing
the small beads of sweat form at the back of my neck
I feel the chill in my marrow
the darkness seems to close in on me and yet somehow is eminating from me
I can't really breath
Oh god, I can't really breath very good.
Someone has got to help
Wake up!! Please, God please, wake up! It is happening again!!
"shhhhh, you are going to be okay"
NO NOT THIS TIME! THIS TIME I WILL DIE!!
"No, deep breaths, in and out, lay by me and I will keep you safe until morning. I will always keep you safe."
I can't go back to sleep, I won't wake up.
"Baby, you will, you always do. Lay here on me and I will pet your head and you will fall asleep safe in my arms."
And he's right, he is right every night.

Just a glimpse...

2004-11-30T22:32:00.000-07:00

shhhhh, you are going to be okay

NO NOT THIS TIME! THIS TIME I WILL DIE!!

No, deep breaths, in and out, lay by me and I will keep you safe until morning. I will always keep you safe.

I can't go back to sleep, I won't wake up.

Baby, you will, you always do. Lay here on me and I will pet your head and you will fall asleep safe in my arms.

And he's right, he is right every night.

A LIST!!!!

2004-11-30T15:22:00.000-07:00

of things that I think Chaz should say on an audio blog
1. Bloody Hell
2. Bugger
3. Do you have to go to the lou?
4. Can I wash your motorcar?
5. I am eating onion and cheese casserole
6. Time for tea
7. Hello I am your uncle
8. ta-ta
9. Long live the Queen
10. It's just a flesh wound

That is all I think I should do for now. The rest is up to Chaz. PLEASEOPLEASEOPLEASEOPLEASEOPLEASE

Another Day

2004-11-23T18:41:00.000-07:00

another complete lack of dollar.
Here is why I am distressed. I have tomorrow off, the only day this week, and I can not find anyone, er, I mean anything, to do!! Would you be my friend? Would you be my neighbor? Won't you please? Won't you please? Please won't you be my neighbor?
No, but seriously, what have I done to deserve this treatment? I am a good girl, I keep the rain in Spain mainly on the plain. I make DAMN SURE the hills are alive with the sound of music. Shit I would even let you be my guest! But NOOOOOOOOO, I am just not good enough for you. Ahhhh well, it is just a tale as old as time. Well just remember, when the road looks rough ahead and your miles and miles from your nice warm bed, just remember what your old pal said boy, you got a friend in me.

HMMMMMMM

2004-11-18T18:07:00.000-07:00

trying to think of a new post here. hmmmmmmm
trying to figure out something profound to say. hmmmmmm
trying to not sink into the pit of despair. hmmmmm
trying to get a handle on something worthwhile. hmmmmmmm
trying to fit the pattern. hmmmmmm
trying to pit the fattern. hmmmmmm
trying not to write something about a blow job. hmmmmmm
trying to disregard the fact that I just did. hmmmmmm
trying to decide how best to relax. hmmmmmm
trying to decide if it is worth it. hmmmmm
trying to decide what it is. hmmmmmm
trying to shut down for the day. hmmmmmm
trying to tell you that I am now done. hmmmmm
trying to say goodnight everyone.

It's just a little scar

2004-11-13T20:10:00.000-07:00

But one that I should remember. It is in a well hidden area, anyone, including myself, would have a hard time finding it unless of course they were looking closely, which I was.
How did it get there? Should not an act that has left such a permanent impression on my skin have not that same effect on my mind?
Very disturbing, incredibly puzzling. I mull over this small intrusion for hours, combing over the events of my life and still turn up nothing. I touch it often, feeling the small bump on the otherwise smooth surface. I glance at it. I even go so far as to ask the imperfection where it came from, after all it would know better than I.
Just a permanent, mysterious, reminder that I do not know as much about me as maybe I should.

Stoned

2004-11-10T15:43:00.000-07:00

So I took a muscle relaxer today cause I have bad knees and promptly fell asleep for 3.5 hours. That was nice. Skipped work. Still took the kids to the babysitters. Ya know all the good relaxing stuff. It was great fun. I am a little shaky now cause of the pill, but still, great fun.
So lately the cloud of forever gloom has come to hang out over my head. The funny thing is that it is also hanging over the heads of a lot of the female friends I know. I think it is the weather. I have noticed a strange pattern which is as the weather changes, women get depressed and guys get grumpy. At least all the ones I know. The hardest season for my ex marriage was fall and the best was spring. I think that by the time summer and winter rolled around we were indifferent because we learned to accept the weather change.
I find it odd that humans are so affected by weather, season, and moon changes. When the full moon is out, I stay inside. The full moon gives everyone weekend passes to the looney bin. Is it because of our supposed ties to the ocean? Am I now a Darwinist? Is that even the word I am looking for? Is it even spelled right? All these questions and so few answers. Life, huh.

I feel

2004-11-08T15:50:00.000-07:00

better, whew. Lisa is coming over tonight. Relax? Never!! All four kids will be here. ACK!! Anyway yeah. Took a deep breath, took another deep breath, then went to bed and slept. More sleep= less stress. Yeah for me.

I HATE EVERYTHING

2004-11-07T18:29:00.000-07:00

And no this isn't PMS talking. I hate my life and everything else in the world.
I am sick of trying too hard to do the things I should and then getting shit on at every turn. I hate working two jobs and still not being able to pay my bills. I hate cooking food to eat for me and my kids. Sometimes I don't want to fucking do it. I hate cleaning up after everyone only to go to another room and find a huge fucking mess. I hate finally having a little extra money and then having my wallet stolen. I HATE THE FUCKER THAT STOLE IT TOO!! I am sick of my kids destroying everything I own. I hate that they are good for other people and shitheads here. Then when I bitch people think it is unfounded. I am sick of going to school. I am sick of needing a better life. I am sick of my fucking attitude too. I hate being ornery and I hate bitching so I thought that I would do it here and get it the fuck over with.

BECKY ARRESTED IN CRACK COCAINE BUST

2004-11-04T20:49:00.000-07:00

BECKY ARRESTED IN CRACK COCAINE BUST

BY LINDSAY ROBERTSON
Thu, Nov 4, 2004 at 10:48:58 EST

UT (INDY) - Famed Confused Becky was one of those arrested in a massive crack cocaine bust in Utah last night, say police.

According to Police Department spokesperson DAVID WRIGHT, police entered the home of known crack dealer CURTIS SPENCER at approximately 3:07 a.m. Sunday morning, after receiving a noise complaint from a neighboring discotheque. "Upon entering the apartment, we found several people huddled around a crack pipe, At this time we did not see the suspect in question. We then broke down a locked bathroom door, and found Becky dressed only in a trucker hat and Ugg boots, frantically attempting to flush approximately 50 kilos of crack cocaine."

"When Becky was confronted, she screamed "This is just my baking soda! I'm bakin' for my momma!" Police promptly escorted Becky to the Utah County Jail, where she is being held on $4,000 bond.

Becky has struggled in the past with drug, anger, chocolate, shopping, and sex addiction issues. The now-noseless Becky has also received treatment for an apparent cosmetic surgery addiction. This is her first arrest for crack cocaine possession.

**Thank you comedy central. I am not that clever**

Holy F'ing Night Batman

2004-10-31T10:37:00.000-07:00

First it was a rousing evening of pin the tail on the donkey. Only the donkey was real and the tail was already attached. The donkey was PISSED when the nail got embedded but fortunately I wore my running shoes.
No, but really, I took the kids out for trick or treating on the lovely Mormon Halloween. The weather was mild and the kids had fun with the exception of the part when Dominique slipped on nothing and fell off of someone's porch. He is fine but it is sad to see kids fall. Especially cute kids. Now adults falling? Humorous. I could laugh all day at that. Old people and kids falling? No, not so much of funny. Anyway I digress. After the candy collecting with the ghouls, we went to my mummies and they had hot chocolate. Kind of a tradition. Then home to hang out with the neighbor and let the kids (me 2, him 1) watch Pirates of the Caribbean. Ya know, that was my first time watching that movie, last night. If I didn't like the eye candy in that movie I would have to kill myself. ohhhhhhh Johnny. Fun times though. My kids slept until 10 except daylight savings time kicked in so it was only 9 but you get the picture. It was much better than the 7 o'clock wake up I got yesterday. Which today would have been 8. Does any of this make sense yet? I hope not that would defeat the purpose. Or porpoise. Please don't defeet the porpoise, how would it walk? HAHAHA Sorry.
Well I am off to move furniture.

Here's the thing

2004-10-29T16:10:00.000-07:00

Yeah so if you read Lisa then you know we went to the bar last night. Drank a little, sang a little, got hit on a little. It was terribly fun. Except for the guy with the prince Albert that would not quit touching me. He couldn't take a hint. Nice enough guy and all but on the fortieth time of me pulling away from his hand around my waist I couldn't help but be a little annoyed.
Now don't get me wrong. I like playing at the bar as much as anyone else but I like to pick. I like to be in charge. I also like not being so damn ornery. I guess you can't always get what you want. (sung while typing, hehe) I think the full moon is playing with my head. All the crazies come out then.
I did see a girl that I went to high school with and that was fun. She was one of the popular girls and I was soooooo not. She was never mean though. Just indifferent. I only went to that school for a year and a half before graduating from night school. Anyway we talked for about half an hour and it was very nice. Apparently she lives close by, is divorced, and has two boys. That doesn't sound at all farm-iliar does it? Wait...story of my life.
Well time to go and get naked.

And I'm back

2004-10-27T20:57:00.000-07:00

isn't that fun. Spent a rousing evening with Liser eating drinking and playing dice. That is a fun game but not on the tenth time in a row. To everything turn turn turn there is a season turn turn turn....
Speaking of seasons, it is definitely turning into winter around here. Rainy, tons of snow in the mountains, leaves all falling, the crisp clean air. I hate it!! Jokes it is not so bad I guess. At least maybe out drought will be over. That would be nice since it is on it's fifth year now.
Had the old Halloween party at the elementary school. That was aggravating to say the least. By the time it was done I wanted to poke my own eyes out and that is never a good thing.
Speaking of good things...These are a few of them
The smell of pencils
The smell of lilacs
The smell of the freezer section at the grocery store, yeah I know
The smell of cream of wheat
The first shower of the day, yes, there are sometimes more than one
The smell of my hair (conceit? Never heard of it)
Sleeping for more than seven hours
A good beer
A good book
A good.....
Oh and of course you
yeah you
Well enough of that, goodnight cruel world.

so, so, suck your toe

2004-10-26T17:44:00.000-07:00

all the way to Mexico. I learn the best things in first grade!! WOW!!
So today will be the post about work.
Today at work I was at lunch and then I saw one of the first graders mom's come rushing in in a panic and then I saw one of the guys carrying the older sister of this girl out. So naturally I asked what happened. She fell off the monkey bars and broke her arm. They went to do the wiggle test and it wiggled, half way between the elbow and the shoulder. NOT A GOOD THING!! So then this families car broke down this morning so one of the other aides drove them down to the hospital and then after school I took the two sisters that were left to meet them down there.
I have broken my wrist and my middle finger. The wrist was a tale of drunken four wheeling in the rain at 3 o'clock in the morning. We hit a tree stump. NO I WAS NOT DRIVING! The finger was when I was three and my brother and I thought it smart to hang on the same side of a table, it was great, until the table fell over. He moved his hands in time, I didn't. It popped the bone out of my finger. I don't really remember it. I was just a little thing.
Anyway that is the story of today. The story of tomorrow will be told then. The story of the day after that? Well, that will be the day after that.

Gotta A-

2004-10-23T17:25:00.000-07:00

Now my gpa is 3.79. That is better than some numbers it could be. IE .975 or something similar.
I took the kids to see the ex-mother in law. aka their Grandma. That is hours of entertainment. They like her though. She is nutso. She painted their faces, for which she has a talent, as spiderman. They look cutesy. arghhhhh.
I helped my mother move furniture today and the was something resembling fun.
Went to the bar with Lisa last night. I got hit on by a 22 year old. That was flattering. He asked for my number and I said 12. He gave me his after that. He wrote it on my hand with what I think was always-on ink. I have washed that hand about 16 times since last night and that damn number is still on there. Loads of laughs. I don't call guys. It wastes energy.
Can you tell what kind of mood I am in today? tired, bored, tired, and it is still raining. Did I say tired yet?
I think it is time for bed. And then lets go to sleep.
haha
bye

mmmmmmmmmm Delicious

2004-10-21T16:23:00.000-07:00

does anyone remember that Dr. demento song. All they did the whole time was say mmmmmmmmmm delicious as provocatively as possible.
Well I am done with another class. yeha. It went well I hope. Maybe another A or something. Maybe not.
It still raineth in the promised land. My friend always says "where the Mormons meet the heavens weep." Dr. Suess always says "I know it is wet and the sun is not sunny but we can have lots of good fun that is funny." -The Cat in the Hat- He also says a Zans for cans is very good. Do you have a zans for cans? I think you should." -one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish-
Sadly those are quotes from memory. I could go on and on and on but I will not subject you to such things. Unless....no never mind.
Be proud because my friend Diane started a blog and I put the links section in and even added Haloscan for her and all with absolutely no fucking clue what I was doing. Oh and it did turn out all right. yeha.
Just as a side note you should read this in monotone because that is how I feel right now.
Also read this in monotone.
ooo baby do it longer. ooohhhh harder. Faster. yeah right there. now get off.

The goal

2004-10-19T14:56:00.000-07:00

The goal is to get off of Lisa's rarely updated list. Jeez what a bitch. JOKES LISA!! God I am funny. Or something.

Well, hmmmm. This is why I don't write everyday. It is because I am freaking boring. I did go out the other night. To a club in Salt Lake. It sucked. I didn't. (for an interesting change)
I know... here is a list of things that I should be good at and am not

1. Should be good at posting

sorry that is all I got. I am just too good for my own good.
I am sorry about this post. Please don't send me hate mail, or do, whatever

Tidbits of absurdity

2004-10-18T15:42:00.000-07:00

So this is random...I got a phone call from good old Dizzer asking me what the last name of a boyfriend I had ten years ago is. I told her and then she asked what his wife's name is. And I told her. And then she said "She just called me."
I stopped and puzzled over that for a second and then asked why.
Apparently Dizzer and this guys wife have kids that go to the same preschool and the teacher randomly gave Dizzer's phone number to the wife so that the two boys could have a play date. STRANGE AND DISTURBING
But the insanity doesn't end there. I had a dream last night that I ran into this boy under very random circumstances.
I have just entered the twilight zone. dodododo dodododo
strange things are happening to me.
I think it's the radiation...

Sad, so sad...

2004-10-15T19:04:00.000-07:00

I have decided that it is terribly depressing when I write a post and only three people comment on it. Damn! I think that I will go and eat worms or pizza since that is what I am having for dinner.
Oh and speaking of dinner
Lisa was supposed to come over tonight for a pumpkin painting party and she totally ditched me. K so the dinner reference is a little obscure since she wasn't supposed to be here for dinner but the point remains. Doesn't anyone love me anymore?
I guess not.
Well if next time you check here and I haven't written anything, I have probably jumped off a cliff in order to gain just a smidgen of attention.
I will miss you all if I jump too far and land too hard.

You...

2004-10-08T17:40:00.000-07:00

For months I had struggled with the thought of you. The way you looked, the way you talked, and that all too cute laugh. I had dreamt about you, or more appropriately, you and me. You were so near and yet so inaccessible. Seeing you every day just made the fire burn hotter.
You finally broke the ice with a little joke. Nothing terribly funny and yet those words said so much. We began talking more and more and of course the drinking kept pace. Finally there was nothing left to do but kiss.
It was such a strange sensation. Those feelings that I had never felt before. And I thought that I had experience. Not like this though, never like this. Kissing my own passion. Finally putting in as much as I got back. I believe the waiting only made it sweeter. I have never waited that long for anyone nor will I ever again but for you? Eternity! I can't help it, you have been a very thorough seductress.

Check it out

2004-09-28T17:15:00.000-07:00

I have finished the old homework before the day it was due. Pretty new and interesting for me. I am so proud! (Shedding tears)
Yeah so I got the old hair cut today and embarrassingly enough I had to ask how Hilary Duff's hair differed from mine cause I think that her hair is cute. So then it was a difference with cutting a few layers long in the back and so then it looks good and I like it. And it only slightly resembles Miss Duff's. Yeah for me!! and such
Weeeellllll, a thing you fall down, I guess that is all for now I will try to right shorter more often.

Holy Crap!!

2004-09-21T15:18:00.000-07:00

Sorry either my internet was turned off for a while or I died. But either way I am better now. Just cause I know that you all have been sooooooo worried.
Wow. I can feel the love and by love I mean myself. er something.
Anyway....definitely more later but only if I hear a request.
Oh and no I can't sing on the internet. or that either. Get your mind out of the gutter. DAMN!

I AM FINALLY DONE!

2004-08-31T20:45:00.000-07:00

Math is over, math is over, math is over.
I am finally done,
I am thinking of making a song out of this.
Something that goes...

Math is over, math is over, math is over.
I am finally done so give me a one.

Sorry I am not so good at the song writing thingy.

I don't have my grade yet but I am sure it is not an A. I decided not to worry about getting an A because my ulcers couldn't take any more of it. Silly ulcers. They are soooooo weak, er something.

So noon at the elementary school hits and an announcement comes on that lets everyone know that a water main has broken and they are going to have to shut off the water for fifteen minutes or so. No problem you say? Yeah that is what I said until I found out that the or so was to be three hours.

Yeah, no water, no bathrooms and about a thousand elementary school students. It was not a good thing. Kids were crying just to go pee. Finally we said ok, but you won't be able to flush. By the time the end of the day rolled around the place smelled like a sewer. BBAAADDDDD!!!!

Well goodnight all.

This made me giggle...

2004-08-23T07:24:00.000-07:00

what's better than roses on your piano?
two lips on your organ....

(posted with permission by Lisa/bhw...don't blame becky for the LAME joke.)

I am so not in the mood

2004-08-19T18:46:00.000-07:00

so would you quit trying to hump my leg. Actually I am not in the mood to do anything ever again. This might be a sign of depression. What do you think?

I am here for God-only-knows-what reason. I had to go to a meeting for work today and it kinda fried green tomatoed my brain. I have never actually seen that movie. Was it good?

I am thinking of internet porn for a way to get rich quick. The other schemes aren't panning out. I will need some co-stars and make-up artists and such so if any of you need a job let me know. I pay .13 cents an hour. And it is one hour a day. And probably you will never actually get paid. But heck we all get to hang out naked. That is good right?

Ya know I actually recommend walking around naked in your living room, wait, no, that was Alanis. I knew it was one of us. We are soooo much alike I get us corn-fused sometimes.
It is rough having so many different personalities to contend with. But you all ready know about that right?

I would like to say goodbye now and so would I.

WHAT?!?!

2004-08-16T19:16:00.000-07:00

I guess that nobody appreciated that last joke. I thought it was funny but then again...

I went to the gym with Lisa and my bum is sore. I wish she would quit making me use that heavy equipment. errrr something. But actually I was a little sore before the gym. huh. I got tired fast though. I am a woosy or however you happen to spell that.

All in all a good day and this is all the time I can spare for you. Must get back to the ole math grindstone. blah blah blah. stupid math anyway

love you bye

Dinner Conversation Gone Wrong

2004-08-15T13:42:00.000-07:00

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not, don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would?" (With a hurtful look on her face)
HUSBAND: (makes load groan)

WIFE: "Would you let her sleep in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you play golf with her?"
HUSBAND: "I guess so."

WIFE: "Would you let her use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left handed."

WIFE: ---silence-
HUSBAND: Shit!

Still psycho

2004-08-13T19:22:00.000-07:00

Just so every one is aware my ex is still a psycho. Hopefully he is not reading this. He is mad at me because he thinks that I should let him stay with me. I told him no. Ya know the whole divorce thing and all. He tries to make me feel guilty that he has no place to live. He also has not had a job in TWO YEARS!! Some how I just don't feel so sorry for him. But on another note if anyone would like to start sending me child support payments that would be fan-freaking-tastic. I figure I have as much chance with any of you as I do with him.

I am still sick but feeling better. I get to go out with Cheree and her mommy tomorrow. The kids will be staying overnight at my mom's house. I love sleepovers. They are a god send.

Special shout out to my main girl Lisa who is daringly watching my kids whilst I work tomorrow. I glove her. PLEASE DON'T MOVE TO MAINE!!! Or do whatever, like I really care or something. YO!

I am a serious snot machine. It is currently edging it's way out of my nose.

My nephew answered the phone at his house today. I said "hi"
he said "hi Becky"
I said "is your mom there?"
he said "yes, talk to you later" and promptly hung up the phone.
It took 5 times of calling back until I got him not to hang up on me.
Sill four year olds. Very amusing though.
Well that is all I have to honk the snozz.
Also known as blow my nose.
Bye Bye talk to you later.

I've been sick

2004-08-10T08:46:00.000-07:00

and not in the good way either. The icky fever sore throat feel like a pile of dog shit way. not that i know what a pile of dog shit feels like but you know what I mean.
at least I hope that you do. who am I kidding, you always know what i mean.
you are like psycic or something. I think that it is probably something though.

Lisa's back and talking about leaving permanently. She is going to kick my ass for saying this but they have talked about moving before and it has yet to come to pass. Please don't leave me I am co-dependant. If you go can I go to?

Short post but at least you got your fix right? if not go try some crack. No not the drug the other kind.

If you could only do what I just did

2004-08-04T22:35:00.000-07:00

nah it's not that exciting. I just finished washing the walls. I was arguing on the phone with the old boy when I noticed that they were disgustingly dirty, so at 11:00 p.m. i started washing them. I also had just finished cleaning out the car.

Also I smoked to much crack or something. But instead of crack, sprite, and instead of smoking, drinking. Sorry all I am not that exciting.

So I decided that I should call in sick to school yesterday. I was sick monday. and I was sick of school. so it just made sense. Don't you think? So then the Cheree and I decided to go to breakfast with all four kids and then decided that we had had enough of the four kids and started drinking beer at noon. But ya know what they say, "It's five o'clock somewhere"
Then we decided to call the babysitter and run away from home. It was a fun day full of beer, beer and more beer. Oh and also we had beer

I stained my parent's deck today. Yeah, grape juice everywhere. No but really. It took three hours and they even paid me. Nice old parents. Except not so old. But hardly the point.

Can lisa be back yet? I have but two friends. Her and the little guy that comes out of my closet at night to tell me what I should do the next day. That guy is soooo weird.

I think I've had enough. Plus the little guy is telling me to hurry. He wants to state his business and go to bed. Weirdo.

I can pee in technicolor

2004-07-31T20:33:00.000-07:00

Can you?
I can do two colors
yellow and hazard orange
ah the wonders of the antibiotic
all hail me, the queen of the pee world
I guess that is better than the queen of the other world, or the underworld for that matter.
I hear that satan is just a bitch.

Lisa gets to meet Belle. I think that is not fair. I wanna meet her too. Please? Oh please?
Why are you restricting me so?
Belle, they won't let me out. You will have to come to me. kay?
Thanks

Speaking of things that are not fair, the circus.
No really,
I got a friggin A- in college algebra.
Yes Lisa, I will stop bitching about that soon.
But really i had a 3.89 and now...3.82
Damn

On a happier note I have a new joke
An 80 year old woman is sitting on the couch with her 80 year old husband.
She turns to him and says fuck you.
He turns back and says fuck you.
After a moment of looking at each other the woman says
Oral sex just ain't what it used to be.
HAHAHAHA

an old wise man once said
don't go to bed with itchy bum or you will wake up with stinky finger
well i think I will leave on that all too happy note.
Goodnight all

AH HAH!

2004-07-23T00:45:00.000-07:00

So I thought that I would get a jump on Lisa for the whole telling of the story or our night thingy.
How am I doing?
Where have all the people gone long time passing?
Is it that I don't post enough?
Is it that I am entirely too busy to post everyday?
Is it that YOU hate me?
Please read and I promise that I will write more.
At least I promise that I will write more as soon as the whole college algebra thing is done.
DAMN graphing linear equations.
But you will be proud to know that I am leading the class in the whole smartness thing.
Anyways about tonight...
We went to the bar that we always go to and I got laid by the kareoke(SP?) d.j.
and not in the literal way either.
I got a bead lay and I made the d.j. give it to me.
That not in the literal sense either.
All these sexual connotations are killing me.
So then and also the -slut of the world that shoots me krusties cause I am so much hotter than her- was there. Shooting the krusties as usual.
She is one of those girls that you take home and then wake up thinking "OHMYGOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE??"
Great through the old beer goggles but nowhere else.
Do I sound bitter?
That is cause the Hooker, T.J. hits on the boyfriend all night.
Damn I think that I have rambled enough.
Time for the sleepy, sleepy.
Goodnight
Will someone work for me in the morning?
Thank you, drive through.

Look what I can do!

2004-07-17T16:31:00.000-07:00

write another post. hmmm isn't that weird and cool all at the same time?
I think so.
So I am rocketing through college algebra like a herd of turtles. That is good news.
Blogger is different. And yes it did take me this long to notice. I'm a quick one! At least that is what all the boys say.
Speaking of boys...or something.
I need a license plate frame that says
If you are what you eat than I am fast, cheap, and easy.
I hope that Lisa has not already stolen that line from me.
She always gets all her ideas from me and that is why she writes so much and so well.
Kay, I am actually so full of shit that my eyes are turning brown but what are you going to do about it? huh? HUH? That is what I thought you would say!
Ah the joys of insanity.
So Lisa, Davey, and I are going to go and see Dodgeball again.
Hil-Fucking-arious movie. I have seen it once and laughed so hard that I had an asthma attack. I don't know if that is a good thing or completely fucking pathetic but either way...GO SEE IT!
and I mean now!
Thanks for ditching me assholes.
SO KIDDING JEEZ!
I think that we have both had enough of this.
By for now.
(Oh and meet me in the back of the theater at intermission, see you then)

Another day another dollar

2004-07-06T11:30:00.000-07:00

Minus the dollar stuff
I sincerely hope that everyone had a happy 4th and hopefully not on the third or the fifth. Stupid Utah!
I took the kids to go see the fireworks in Salt Lake on the third. The ex went with us. We had a good time although I am not terribly fond of telling the ex "don't touch me" all the fucking live long day. Oh well.
The oldest has always loved the fireworks. The noise, the lights, every aspect he loves. The youngest likes-ish them. When the fireworks start he gets that smile, you know the one, the frozen look of terror smile. Yeah, he is scared of the noise. He really likes to watch them though. Just about the end he gets comfortable and then the grand finale hits and starts us back at the beginning with the terror thing. It was fun anyway.
We also went and saw another fireworks show last night. The boyfriend, his daughter, the neighbor and his son, my mom and dad, me, and my two boys all went to my parents friends house and watched. It was a really good show with some of the biggest fireworks I have ever seen. Poor boyfriends daughter was using a sparkler and burned her ear and hair. She is fine but she is only two and it scared her pretty bad.
My dad entertained on the piano with his famous Ray Charles, Elton John, and Tom Leher (sp?) impressions. The icing on the cake was his Neil Diamond doing all the great Mormon Hymns. I am surprised he has not been excommunicated yet. Oh well, soon I am sure.
Well that is all for now. Ya know since you know my life story. Next post maybe I will tell you why I am sad and hurt by your lack of presents sent to me.

Why do I have to smoke so much crack?

2004-06-30T20:33:00.000-07:00

Actually I have never done that.
I tried pot three times but I never inhaled.
Actually I totally did inhale
I got soooo stoned
I think that I will tell you the story
April, please don't read this and don't tell mom

So, the second time that I got stoned I was with my friend and about six other guys. The driver was named but I don't remember what it was so I called him Mr. Smith.
We took a drive up what I think was Springville Canyon and got out at this golf course because the silly girls had to pee.
I went off to pee and then could not remember where the hell the van was. I totally started freaking out and wondering what the fuck I was going to do until I actually took a moment to turn around and see that the van was directly behind me. Huh, what do you know.
We then took a trip to somewhere I am sure and then the boys had to pee. All of them. I didn't know that guys did that in groups but whatever. My friend and I decided that we would play cops and robbers but failed to mention this to the boys. We locked all the van doors and hid and when they came back they were not so impressed but to this day I am not really sure why.
We then stopped at the local gas station where my friend and I peed, me in the toilet, her in the garbage can. Then being the brilliantly high people that we were we turned off the light to the bathroom before we found the locked door handle.
We spent the next twenty minutes in there looking for a way out and then the nice cashier who heard our desperate cries for help came and unlocked the door.
We decided to go home after that. Very wise don't you think?
THIS NEXT PART NEVER DO!!
We took my friends car home and on the way she saw her ex boyfriend and pulled him over. She then proceeded to ream him a new asshole because of the two girls that were in the jeep with him. Problem was they were guys. When I finally convinced her of this we drove the rest of the way home with little to no more incidents of insanity. Although the same damn song kept playing on the radio the entire way there. That was truly annoying.
Well so much for the picture of innocence that you had of me. Sorry to blow it for you but I bet your not.
(SNICKER)

It has been a freaking week here people

2004-06-28T08:21:00.000-07:00

Well not here but I am still waiting for my grade in the last class. Give it to me k! ack, my ulcers.

How are y'all doing? I am fine.
Yeah can you tell that I have nothing?
I can.

I know I will tell you the story of Wal-Mart

So the other day I went to the Wal-Mart with the kids to do some shopping. Ya know cause that is what you do at the store.
I went to the same door that I always go to and opened the damn thing and it cut the holy shit out of my toes.
SONOFABITCH that hurt.
So then I went to the customer service and said
"I know that I have toes and that I should probably be watching them but it occurs to me that there should be some kind of weather stripping or a fuzzy strip that prevents people from losing digits."
They looked at me kinda strange, just like everyone else, and then asked me what I wanted to do.
I said "ya know, maybe you could give me some bandages so I can quit bleeding all over the joint" (fucking idiots)
then they asked if I wanted to file an accident report. I said "I don't know what do you usually do in these situations?"
They said "hmna hmna hmna hmna" (their heads were too far up their asses so I couldn't hear properly)
Then I told them I think that I will be fine but they should really have that fixed.
Then the girl turned around and started talking to someone about what time they were going home.
I stood aghast. What the hell was that? I was sooooo mad I just walked off and figured to hell with it.
Then I did the shopping and went to check out and all the cashier had to do was push the DAMN debit key but did she? NOOOOO. She took off and went to find a broom and dustpan and then proceeded to clean a mess. JUST PUSH THE FUCKING BUTTON! A monkey could do that job! Cheese and rice!
yeah so I was totally pissed that day. I went home, called the manager and gave her an earfull. Stupid people.
I really like the Wal-Mart but good lord in heaven!

my toes are healing nicely by the way. Thanks for asking.
cordially,
Becky
bye

HMMMMMM.....

2004-06-24T21:50:00.000-07:00

I decided to shock the shit out of the world and go ahead and write more than once every two weeks. Imagine. I think this is the seventh sign and not the one with Demi Moore. (I thought that I better link her image because not a lot of people know who she is.)
AAANNNNYYYWWWAAAAYYYYYSSSSS.
I decided that I really like that word, anyways.
I also like slope
and slip
and faucet (ask Lisa)
and splat
and splate
and pnuemoultramicroscopicsiliconevolcaniconiosis
yeah so there
that word means black lung disease. Coal miners used to get black lung disease, no need to explain that.
So the boy told a joke today it was even funny.
He said "What has two thumbs and loves blow jobs?"
then he points to himself with his thumbs and says
"THIS GUY!"
funny haha. yeah i found it amusing. so did he. of course he was the one that told the joke.
Here is another one.
Why do refrigerators hum?
Cause they don't know the words.
Thank you, thank you, I will be here all night.
Actually I will be here until right now...no now...no but really now

I'm back

2004-06-21T22:55:00.000-07:00

How's it going?
Sorry I haven't been here for a while.
Did you miss me?
I missed me!
I fucking rock!?!?!

Anyways...
I am so listening to the Carpenters
I love Karen
I hate that she died
I bet that she hates it more
Why is tragedy so tragic
Well that was profound

I really mean it though
I am totally obsessed with the tragic stories

Marilyn Monroe, Karen Carpenter, The Titanic,
Princess Di, Lisa, oh now that was a joke calm the fuck down!
Or as the boy would say "alright, settle down"
There is an awful lot of sadness and tragedy in history
I am sure that there is a ton more to come
Why can't everyone just get along
a long little doggie
another joke

So it is the fifth week of my class which means I am incredibly busy and stressed out. GOD I LOVE IT! It also means another A for Becky. WEEHEEEWOOOHOOO! I love me a good A. Did I mention that I have a 3.9 GPA. I thought that I should. Because I do have one. Yeah, I do wanna cookie ok! Oatmeal raisin I think or whatever.

Does anyone know what the fuck I am saying? Anyone? Anyone?
Well if you are not going to tell me I am just going to go home. Fine then! Talk to you later...er...something...

One day

2004-06-14T19:03:00.000-07:00

I will write a new post. Won't that be the day?
It is totally going to rock too.
It will be full of wisdom, charm, and wit (not Houston)
I will be so clever in that post that you will all hide your heads in shame. Embarrassed by the brilliance of me.
Wow that is going to be great. But until then...

Surprise! Guess Who?

2004-06-08T21:42:00.000-07:00

Yup it's me. How did you guess?
can't figure on what to write about today
New loves
Old loves
boyfriends
girlfriends
family
friends
high adventure
or relaxation
It is all so corn-fusing
However if you want a good time go and hear Chaz talk
that makes for a great night
I think that I will talk about....hmmmm
I don't know!
Somebody give me some suggestions or we will go on like this FOREVER!!!
Forever, now that is a topic
what exactly is forever? Especially if you consider that time may not exist. Bend the mind a bit. That topic has given me many a sleepless night. My mind does not do well with the unknown. I get panic attacks. I used to have 20 or 30 a day. That sucked let me tell you! Couldn't eat, sleep, work, or anything else cause I thought I would die.
Yeah I did therapy and medication for three-ish years
I totally freaked when the seasons changed. It sooooo sucked. I never rearranged my house cause I couldn't handle it being different. That part of life was not pleasant. If I wasn't so scared of dying I would have killed myself. Heh, that sounds weird. Oh well.
I guess that I figured out something to say. Please don't call the people in the white jackets. They do funny things to me.

Another day, Another post

2004-06-06T19:52:00.000-07:00

I will have you know that I am doing much better
My mood has shifted from the blackest of black to a dark shade of gray
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
That was a joke. I am totally back in the swing of things with the whole have to be a server again situation
Good stuff
I even made a truck load of money
Mind you it is a tonka truck but lets not split hairs

Speaking of hairs, I went to work at 9am and left work at 5pm and I took my hair out of the ponytail and it was still wet
nice
My hair used to be so thin that i could put it all back into one barrett. Now? I can fit about 1/5 of it into one barrett. If I use those claw things then I have to use at least three. And when did this suddenly turn into an all girls all the time post?

For you guys out there i can do the following:
Fix drawers
Wire a new cord onto the dryer
Change my own oil
Change my own tire
Pump my own gas
Drywall
Paint (duh)
give great head

Oh did i say that out loud? Of course! It is something to brag about right?

I think I have said a mouthfull. HEHE get it? Head-Mouthfull?!?!?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
(I have to laugh at my own jokes, mental disorder)

Poor me!

2004-06-04T19:37:00.000-07:00

Hello and welcome to whiney blog central
I am unable to take your whine right now
But if you listen after the tone
you will be able to hear mine

TTTOOOOONNNNEEEE

So I think that I am too old to be a server
Sad day
I just switched jobs because school is out for the summer
I got a job at a local breakfast joint working weekend mornings
I really should not jump right back into such things after a year
I need to work my old lady muscles and bones into it
I got trained for five days in about three hours and so they threw me on the floor with a full section
I was totally unprepared
These are the kinds of things and situations a person needs to prepare for, you know, do some meditation and shit.
Well the shitting might be able to wait until after work
Anyway, I kept up and still kick ass but it hurts my bodily functions
I told you I could whine
So, if anyone wants to start sending me money right away I will quit my job and just sleep through the summer
It's too damn hot anyway
Alms for the poor, Alms for the poor.

Memories light the corners of my mind

2004-05-31T17:50:00.000-07:00

My earliest childhood memory was of a small trailer in the outskirts of Alabama. This trailer sat at the end of a long, dusty and winding dirt road and sat on a small rise of earth. Outside of the front door there was a tree root that was shaped like a three-pronged Y, this was fairly odd because there was no tree near that root or anywhere on that side of the street. Across the street there was a line of trees that followed the dirt road and I never can recall seeing leaves on those barren trees. They were skeletal hands against the sky.
I was about three then, the ever curios child in me still lingered. Everyday I would make a quest to find something new and interesting. It was incredibly difficult since we lived in a dust bowl. The most interesting things around were my brothers and that is a sad fate for a child of three. I remember that one of my younger brothers was a doctor’s dream. He would constantly fall down just so he could say, “I broke a bone” in his nasal, somewhat froggy voice. My older brother was a spider. Always waiting in a dark corner to scare the life right out of me. My youngest brother was freshly fallen snow, brand new and so pure.
I hardly remember anything from those days. I liked the trailer we lived in although it was a ramshackle old thing. Those were days of sunshine, before innocence was lost, before dark clouds would forever pour rain onto the happiness that was my childhood. Those were the good old days.

I am crazy

2004-05-31T06:32:00.000-07:00

over the rainbow I am crazy
bars in the windows

What the hell is wrong with me?
I am the epitome of looney!
That is what's wrong with me.

I have to post more often says people so this is it but see there is one problem, the reason I don't post more often is because I have nothing of interest to say. According to me. Maybe I am dilusional. Maybe this is the best shit ever written and soon I will get offered a talk show position and a spot on a huge soap opera. Lisa can't be the only one with dreams! Yeah soon I will be famous or institutionalized but either way what bliss.

Speaking of bliss...
Yeah I have nothing for that segway. Is that how you spell segway? I mean you personally cause that is the way that I spell it and it is the way I will continue to spell it so step off ok! Jeez do you have to ride my ass all the time? Ride something else for a change! Variety is the spice of life!

I don't get enough sleep. I should go now. Must dream about infamy!

Get this...

2004-05-30T11:57:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine sent this e-mail to me. It is absolutely fucking ridiculous!! If you have any idea's e-mail her or me.

In the last year I have been fighting to keep my two dogs Kodie and Buddy. My brother got Buddy three years ago as a hunting dog, and I rescued Kodie from an animal hospital I worked at two years ago, he was hit by a car when he was three months old and dropped off at the animal hospital. The doctor was going to euthanize him, but I had already become attached to him and I told the vet I would pay for all the surgeries the dog would need, and take
him home. Kodie and Buddy are like my kids, I would do anything for them. My neighbor who lives two houses behind me says, my dogs are a nuisance and are out of control. Anytime my dogs bark or she sees them outside I know that within an hour animal control will be knocking on my door giving me a ticket for nuisance dogs. It didn't matter what I told them, or even if my
dogs didn't bark, they would give me a ticket anyway. After getting so many tickets and paying fines, I began fighting back and took it to court. It states that a nuisance is barking at odd hours, or excessive and continual barking. In court, I asked the judge what they considered a nuisance to be, and I was told that a nuisance is whatever my neighbor considers to be a nuisance regardless if it is my dogs barking once for a few seconds. My
neighbor went around the neighborhood trying to get a petition signed to have the dogs removed from our house, but she couldn't get anyone to sign it. She apparently kept a log of when I let my dogs out, how long they were outside, and if they barked, which was made up since my dogs are in the house 95 percent of the time, because I am afraid to let them out.

On May 10, 2004, I appeared in court to get the problem solved. I was asked if my dogs bark, I said, yes but only every once in a while for a few seconds, just like any other dog. Well that was the wrong thing to say. I was found guilty, and have to pay an $800 fine, plus now my dogs are required to wear shock collars when going outside, which I find inhumane. They must be supervised when outside, and are only aloud to be outside for
ten minutes at a time. If my neighbor calls animal control one more time, they will remove the dogs permanently, whether she is telling the truth or not. If my dogs are such a nuisance why have none of the other neighbors complained? How can one person have so much control over the neighborhood? This could happen to any pet owner and there is nothing we can do because as
pet owners we have no rights. How is this just? Cows moo, and birds chirp, it is how they communicate. How do you tell a dog they can't bark? I feel like I am punishing my dogs for being dogs. I could understand if they were barking in the middle of the night, but it is in the middle of the day, every once in a while. I am writing this to let everyone know that it could
happen to any pet owner, because pets have no rights, leaving you with very little rights, and your neighbors having the upper hand.
If you have any suggestions feel free to email me at
tigglebitties@hotmail.com or jeepingirl1202@msn.com
Thanks for your time Brenda.
Please pass this on!! P.S. I did write a letter of appeal and I am
still waiting for them to contact me.

Hell of a

2004-05-27T21:03:00.000-07:00

day
week
sunburn
storm
time
fill in the blank
So this is the last week of school, work school, not school school. I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. It kinda sucks and blows at the same time. But that is ok.
It is always very hectic and crazy the last week of school. Some of you may recall. Why? because it was busy the first time. get it, recall? hahahaha
Hey, someone has to laugh.
Speaking of a hot chick. Thanks to Lisa for so kindly letting me burn 75 d.v.d.s of the kindergarten program at her house the last two days. Yes I left sometimes but only when I had to poop. hehe just kidding. I don't poop. No wonder I have intestinal problems. I am degenerating aren't I.
Thanks to Dick for the link although he may pull it after the poop speel. I am sorry. I will quit talking about poop.
So I just ditched my kids for 5 days. I am lonely and bored can anyone help me? any suggestions? I think that someone might have something? I have no friends. I have no life. I have no haircut.
I have no idea what that even means.
I am tired of raving like a lunatic. See you later.

Jumping on the band wagon

2004-05-22T19:18:00.000-07:00

I just go back from reading Dick and Vodka talk and I wanted to say that I am proud that we are taking a stand against terrorism. Is it not enough that we had thousands of people killed? Do we know have to bend over and take it up the ass? I say HELL NO!!
No one is saying that war is an ideal thing but when has it ever been? Where would we be now if we had not taken a stand in WWII? Are we willing to let a military power that may not match our strength now grow into one that will? I am not willing!!
My little brother is a marine and has already been to war. He went through part of Iraq that was supposedly worse than Baghdad. He was ready to die for me and everyone else in this country and I am grateful. He didn't sit around and bitch because he had a job to do and a country to protect. He went and did it!
For all of those who sit and think that these poor boys are dying, yeah they are but that is what they signed up for. They knew the implications when they signed the papers. If they did it for the scholarships and thought they would never be in a war that is there own damn nearsightedness.
Most people I have talked to in the military are proud to serve and I am proud of them. I am proud that we are not sitting by idly letting other countries shit on us. I am proud of people who are not afraid to stand up to the injustice of thousands of Americans dying not only in words but also in deeds.

I have nothing

2004-05-20T20:38:00.000-07:00

And yet I am still here writing. Huh. What do you know?
That, by the way, was a rhetorical question.

I get to go to a faculty swimming party tomorrow. That should be interesting. A bunch of old people sitting around in bathing suits. Oh well, at least I am hot right? Although there are a couple of hotish guys but they are both married. DAMN!

That was a joke tall man.

Anyways, the swimming will be followed up with a trip to the local tavern. Don't worry I will wait a half an hour in between so as not to get a cramp. Lisa will be there along with the boys treats. Wanna go? Dancing, drinking, being the greatest, hottest, people in the room and/or block, oh and ya never know who is going to get drunk enough to make out with who.

Wish us luck and a great time. We will let you know if we end up on camera and have free tickets to a concert again. People jsut throw the goods our way and can you blame them?

This post written by the most humble person in the world.

What I do for a clean house

2004-05-18T19:36:00.000-07:00

You guys, or gals, are going to shit a pound of bricks when I tell you what I go through just to Vacuum.
Well, not necessarily every time I vacuum but tonight it happened like this...
I cleaned the floor up, ya know, all the stray debris from the national disaster that is my house
I took out the vacuum from it's long winter sleep in the closet
I remembered that the reason I haven't used it in so long is because it was broken
SHIT
So I take out the ol' tool box and get out the screwdriver
I start to take apart the vacuum so as to see what is wrong
I realize that my screwdriver is tooooooo big to get to the screw it needs to undo
SHIT
I load the kids into the car and drive the 8ish blocks to the folks house
I open the garage and can't find a screwdriver
I knock on the door and can't find the folks
I go back to the garage for a closer look and found the screwdriver
PHEW
Go back to the casa and unload the kids
I undo the vacuum and proceed to undo the clog
I think I've got it
I take the bag off assuming that I have another to replace it
NOPE
I load the kids back into the car and go an opposite 8ish blocks to the store and buy bags
Come back to the casa, unload the kids, replace the bag and put the vacuum back together
I start to vacuum and oops, didn't fix it right and it shuts itself off
Take apart the vacuum again and actually find the problem and fix it
Put the vacuum back together and start to vacuum?
NO, SHIT
It takes 30 minutes to reset itself after it shuts itself off
DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT!!
So here I am killing 30 minutes. I think it is almost dead
Here is why you should be so proud of me though
0 pills taken
0 dishes broken
0 tears or fears
only 1 minor bit o' bitching but really very minor
yeah me!!

?

2004-05-16T19:53:00.000-07:00

So if I were to play the first song I learned on the piano on the keyboard it would look something like this...

ka;lk ;lak;lk jjf f dk;jf fd ak;lk ;lak;lk jjf fd k;fj fd j klj klkaj dkj j klj klakj dk ak;lk ;lak;lk j jf f dk;jfk fjd a

Yes, Bethoven is rolling over in his grave.
Yes, I have too much time on my hands.
Yes, this blog could get worse.

Warning: Bitching ahead!!

2004-05-15T18:32:00.000-07:00

So some of you might be aware that I am currently employed by an Elementary School here in Utah.
I work with a boy in 4th grade who was born with Spina Bifida and is paralyzed from the waist down, and has no short term memory among other problems.
Well this boy was walking (electric wheelchair)to school the other day and got hit by a car and knocked out of his wheelchair.
The person that hit him got out of the car and helped him back into his chair and made sure that he got the rest of the block to the school where he then could decide what to do and who to call.
When Josh (the boy) got to school they immediately called his mom and she came over to check things out.
When she got there Josh was, of course, hysterically upset and started to reach for her to get some comfort.
His mom grabs his hand and puts it on his lap and says
"put your hands down, you'll be fine"
She then proceeds to tell the school that she doesn't want him to be taken to the doctors. She also wants him to stay at school because "he is already there."
She leaves him at school without so much as reporting the incident to the police.
She also expects that he will walk the same path home at the end of the day.
I was amazed to see someone being so inhuman and uncaring. Indignation would be a good word for it I guess.
Josh was so upset and confused all day. So disoriented and unable to talk about it without crying and his mom doesn't care.
How can people be so cruel? What does this say about humanity?
Are there other problems like this at home? I would say yes! And how many times do people turn their heads instead of facing an unjustice?
I walked Josh home that day with a heavy heart that got even heavier when I realized that he lives two blocks from the school. Not a long way to walk if you want to make sure that someone you love is safe.

The story of my day

2004-05-12T22:13:00.000-07:00

Well you all asked for it and here it is.
If you think that Bored Housewife had a piss poor day wait until I explain "THE TANTRUM"
It all started when I had to get up and keep breathing. That way pissed me off.
Then I had to go to work.
Then I had to come home.
Then I decided to do the dishes.
This decision proved to be my downfall.
I was washing away when the dishes that I had propped against the counter, on a towel, to dry slid down.
This made me mad but I put them back up anyway.
Then they slid down again.
I put them back up.
The fuckers slid down again, knocking over some flowers that were in a cup full of water, sending the water spraying all over the clean dishes and flooding the counter.
GODDAMNSONOFABITCHINBOB!!
So then I took those two plates, slammed them as hard as I could into the sink, and just shattered the shit out of them.
Then I took two more plates and shattered the shit out of them.
Then I took a cup and threw it against the wall, shattering it.
Then I had to clean glass up out of the sink, counter, floor, and meticulously pick it out of the disposal.
But then it gets better...
I had run myself out of garbage sacks so I had been putting garbage in the can without one. So when all the glass was clean I decided I had better empty the trash. So then I took out a sack that I had just bought, turned the trash upside down into the sack, but the trash went all over the floor.
So then I cried for ten minutes, went to my car, got a xanax, and everything picked up from there.

TOTAL NUMBER OF CASUALTIES:
4 glass plates
1 plastic cup
3 large spots on the rug in the kitchen (garbage)
one xanax
2 tissues
DAMN MY RED-HEADED, TEMPER-TANTRUM THROWING, P.M.S.ING, SORRY ASSED SELF!!

All Hail

2004-05-09T11:03:00.000-07:00

The Queen of the rock chips.

Construction fucking sucks white ass balls!!
I was driving to go and get the kids and had to go through the never ending construction that is Utah and a huge rock hit my window.

I now have a rock chip the size of a softball. Nice huh! But it gets better because two months ago I spent a whopping $160.00 to get the damn windshield replaced. Yes that is the story of my life.

Happy Mothers day to all of you who feel you deserve it. I am going to eat food at my mom's today with all the fam. Should be fun.

Speaking of Mother's day go and check out Lisa's tribute to her mom. Beautiful!! I am not that eloquent but I like my mom too.

Have a groovilicious day and CALL YOUR MOTHER!!

Too Cold...

2004-05-07T14:13:00.000-07:00

Well just the other day
I was driving in my car
but not me or my car
it was my sister in law driving
and her car
but that is hardly the point
the point is that there was a huge wreck
one in which i was thankfully not invoved
and this guy lost the whole left side of his body
the whole left side just gone!!
but he is a right now!! HE HE HE
no but really
huge wreck
we had just been to see 13 going on 30
and the best part of that movie is the soundtrack
so of course we bought it and then continued to drive down the I-15
with the radio as loud as it would go
Playing "Ice Ice Baby"

Don't you wish you were there? I know that you do! I had to pee the entire time and when you have to laugh the "i am retarded and that is why I am listening to this song" laugh, the have to pee like a racehorse problem is not condusive to your health. or something like that.

But be proud of me because I have another A to tack onto my wall. Yeah, I cut it out myself.

I was wondering if anyone who is super tall needed me to play nurse. I would be happy to dress any wounds or undress anything else you may need. I am also quite adept at kissing things better. Just tell me what you need.

Well there is your fix for the day. Make sure that you pee when you need to and don't wait until the dog gets back to eat those pancakes!

Sitting in the morning sun

2004-05-03T20:15:00.000-07:00

Actually it is more like the 9:30 moon but who's keeping track?
not I said the Becky.

I have spent a lonely four days sitting here without the chitlens.
by chitlens I mean kids
and it hasn't been completely lonely
I have had some excellent company this weekend
most excellent, dude.

what have you been up to?

Hey, I was wondering if it would be possible for Belle to come and live with me forever? I would hang her on my wall and call her art. Or belle whichever struck my fancy. And also I was wondering if then I would have to fight good ole Billy H. And if I did have to fight him do you think that I have a chance? And if you do think that I have a chance then why? and if...nah I am done with that. Belle, let me know

Had a fabulous day of roller blading in the canyon yesterday. Except for the part when a hugemongous (yes that is spelled wrong on purpose) bug hit me in the boobity. That was a little painful and made the R.T. not so even. Well, I guess you can't have it all. Unless you do have it all, then you can. Aren't I the Queen almighty of pointing out the obvious? Well everyone needs a hobby.

Speaking of hobbies, I have oh-so-much homework to finish so....

I'm off, like a herd of turtles.

thank you, thank you, thank you...

2004-05-01T20:56:00.000-07:00

to Bored Housewife for so thoughtfully working out the ticks in the whole blog thing. By which I mean she put the links up for me. So thank you!! You are swell!! AND HOW!!

I thought I should clean out my car today so I sat around the house until 8:30 and then went and cleaned it.... I thought that it would be easier when it was dark. Some things are easier when it is dark but not so much car cleaning.
Then when I finished that I swept the stairs outside, did the dishes, cleaned-ish my room, and hung up a curtain.

So yeah for me!!

So then I was at my folks house tonight and I was sitting by the piano and I decided that I would read the titles of the piano pieces....
then I stumbled across this....
25 pieces for small organs...
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAH
small organs
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH
anyway I called my dad over and said
"Dad, check out this title"
Then my dad read it...
and he said
HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAH
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
you're disowned
and I said
"wouldn't be the first time"

and that is all she wrote and I am sorry it isn't a murder mystery

Master or Slave

2004-04-28T22:09:00.000-07:00

When I meet you, the first glance will decide our fate
Will I perish?
Am I willing to die?
or are you?
your eye contact is the power
your will is my way
How can you exert so much control with so little effort?
I need you in charge
I need your mastery
But you need my submissiveness
you need my willingness
We are dependent on one another
So am I the master or the slave?

Yet another reason....

2004-04-26T18:59:00.000-07:00

why I kick so much ass!!!

I had a 1200 word paper to do for school on wednesday.
And guess what!?!?!?
Totally finished it in no more than two hours.

HELL YEA!!!

Am i not the coolest kid on the block now?
I think so.

I went to work out with Bored Housewife again. And yes, I am buff. but you already knew that didn't you. How do you know that? do you spy on me? and if so are you hot? and if so what are you doin later, baby?

But really, she kicked my shoulders ass! And if you don't think that is hard boy do you have another thing coming. Maybe one day I will be as hot as Rebecca Romijn-Stamos. But then again maybe not. And if not can I be as hot as John Stamos. Ah the beautiful people.

At least we have the same first name and that is what is really important right?

Well that was a fun sharing time, wasn't it?

Neil has possesed me

2004-04-25T21:13:00.000-07:00

Diamond that is
and everyone knows that Diamonds are a girls best friend.
At least Marilyn knows.
I have now had "Play Me" by Mr. Diamond stuck in my head for the last oh about 12 hours. Can it leave me alone? NO!! In fact I somehow think that it snuck it's way into the human motivation paper I was just writing.

...I think the underlying common bond is a sense of security...you are the sun I am the moon you are the words I am the tune play me...

That should get me a solid A. Maybe two.
But really how could I not have a Niel tune in my head? Great music..Great lyrics...Great beat...Great Grandma......

I think I was dropped on my head as a child. In fact I know I was. The mob brought me pictures of it and said "hey...If you don't start a blog and write absolutely nothing that makes sense we will release these to the public."

to which I said "NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" (it was a really bad hair day in those pictures what with the gushing blood and all)
so that is why I am here, why are you?

Where is Belle? I miss her. She comes to check and make sure I have a pulse every once in a while but I don't think that is enough. Belle, I need you to do a new post. I haven't laughed in soooo long. I haven't even left this chair since the 13th. What I have I done to deserve this?!?!? BOOHOOOOO!!!!

So that was fun huh. Well to all the girls I've loved before.Who traveled in and out my door (by osmosis). I'm glad you came along, I dedicate this blog, to all the girls I've loved before. And not in that way.....(yes that is part of the song, mkay man)
Maybe I should have changed the girl thing to hot men. Oh well too late now, my fingers just fell....

I so totally rock!!

2004-04-24T21:10:00.000-07:00

And here is why...
I decided that the way my boy's room looked sucked rhino
and so I changed it.
That may not sound that great yet but you wait! I am not done.

They have bunk beds but I have never let them use them as bunks because
the top mattress actually came up above the guard rail. Yeah the smart guy
at the bed factory was absent the day they made it...Anyway...I took a drill, a 3/8 and 1/2 spade bit and lowered the frame that the mattress sits on. YEAH!! It totally worked and I got to play with power tools!! WOOHOO and YEAH!! There room no longer sucks rhino and I am fabulous (and humble).
I also rearranged the whole damn thing. It is SO perdy it brings a tear to my eye.

Then I decided that because I kick ass I deserve a present so I went to the friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart and bought a Matchbox Twenty CD, pant pant, so hot want to touch the heiny, arooooowoooo!!!! Can I take Mr. Thomas home please o please?
I also cleaned my room and did the laundry.
No wonder everyone loves me.
Yup that has to be it.
Well don't worry because I love everyone too. Nothing is ever one-sided in this here blog. Nope. Unless I want it to be of course. Cause damnit it is mine!!

and just so you knowI'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell, i know right now you can't tell but stay awhile and maybe then you'll see a different side of me.

Yesterday...

2004-04-22T19:18:00.000-07:00

All my troubles seemed so far away.

I am feeling a little downered. Am I destined to always want what is not available? Or am I destined to never want what is? Yeah I know it's the same damn thing but thanks for pointing it out.

I am quite into the blog posting thing aren't I. Apparently there are some things that I just can't get enough of like:

ketchup with fries
ice with tea
lite with beer
frosting with cake
sleep
oh and you, right there, the with the dark hair. Yeah you!
are you able to get enough?

Somehow this is strangely reminiscent of a def leopard song or something...I think that you should pour some sugar on me. What does that do for the old imagination. anything? ANYTHING?

Well if you aren't going to answer then I will just leave. But never angry so...
Hugs and kisses on all your pink parts!!

Joint Post Day

2004-04-22T14:10:00.000-07:00

...and no, not that kind of joint.

However...
Lisa has so willingly let me horn in on her fame. so here we go...
Take it away Liza...

so we hit the gym again (yes it hurt, but we're okay) and now we're attempting this cluster fuck.
well, i imagine, at least.
since i usually think too fast to type anyway and she's on speed compared to me.
it should get crazy, so hold onto your...um...anything you want.
except that.
yer sick.
dude--yer at work
now it's becky's turn.

i choose 360 for my turn.
or maybe 180 i haven't really decided
hey though i figure since i am not at work it's goina be ok that I hold anything i want right?
because frankly I have an ithchin....and not the kind that you think...the other kind.

so then we are planning the great return to the bar in payson.
It might be interesting...lots of boys and maybe Hunter Dude...
or spikey the great or any number of other colorful characters
Yeah that would be nice!! I could always use a backup plan. Then again....

Lisa's ready
ummmmm to write, you pre-vert.

So today at the gym i almost killed myself with a barbell on several occassions---
they call em skull crushers for a reason, okay?
and, sadly, the reason for my almost accidents was severe, debilitating laughter.
i'm such a girl--giggling at the gym.
but i guess that's better than being a boy.
like, ew.
boys have cooties.
oh wait....
i fucking love cooties!!!!!!!
anyway.
we had a grand time.
we got to check out all the hotties together, and frankly....
got a few looks ourselves.
heh.
oh come on, why else would a lazy ass like ME go to the gym??
so yeah.
that's it for me.
Becky?

just a few things that I need to clear up...

lisa also loves fucking cooties.

we do love checking boys,
it's just too fucking bad that there were only two there today
but what can you do?

And the reason lisa goes to the gym is so that she can post
some all too revealing pictures so that all of you can enjoy the
boners that are tapping the tops of your desks.

We are grateful are we not?!?!?!?

Stick a fork in us we are done and or finished for you uptight grammar freaks
you know who you are!!!

What are you looking at

2004-04-21T22:11:00.000-07:00

ya hockey puck.

Well another day has come and gone and yet I am none the wiser. I have however had allloooooottttt of caffeine. I rarely have any so when I do I get totally buzzed.

I am totally buff now. Yup, I worked out at the gym for the third time in my life with bored housewife and our long lost puppy Dave. He is not so much a puppy by the way. More of a lap dog. Anywho yeah totally never need to workout again. They won't allow camera's in the locker room so sorry I can't show you the wonderful buffness that is me.

Ya know, you gotta love sitting through a four hour class and having no fucking idea what was said the ENTIRE time. My teacher sucks so many monkey balls. Innumerable monkey balls. (more than two) For the next class I was wondering if mass suicide was really all that inappropriate. I mean what is good enough for waco is good enough for me damnit.

But not really. I think that I should become anorexic. But instead of not eating i would because, hell, I get hungry too ya know. You selfish fucker over there stuffing your face. Yes, I do mean you. Put the doughnut down. I said step away from the doughnut goddamnit. Don't make me come over there.

Speaking of coming over there....I have to wash my sheets. Wait a sec, that was something else. I was wondering if you could come over here though. Just let me know. I aim to please so would you please aim...to...please? Suddenly I realize that this makes no sense. But why should I change my writing style now?

So I think I am tapped, drained, w-rung out, exhausted, weak, weary, tired and sick, worn out, sapped and all the other good adjectives that would fit right here.

Goodnight sweetheart well it's time to go (bu bum bu bum) Goodnight sweetheart, goodnight.

It's a wonderful life?

2004-04-21T07:31:00.000-07:00

Last night my youngest (2yrs) woke me up raging a fever of about oh at least 103. I am pretty good about guessing temps. I have no thermometer. Yeah so it was a hell of a night. I was thrilled. But I do get to stay home from work again. At least it is not puke fest.

I stayed home from work yesterday also. I had to finish the homework. The homework sucks. So does feeling the need to put "the" in front of homework everytime.

Well so I read a paper that the hugely tall one wrote. Wow. I feel stupid. Is there any way to share the brain wealth because my mind mine seems to be stripped of all things precious.

Speaking of being stripped...I was walking down the street the other night, you know going to work, and the strangest thing happened. A car was being followed by an cop. well the car in front hit a bird, the bird goes shooting backwards and lands smack dab on the cops windshield. Well the cop, being pissed, pulls dude over. Dude says "why are you pulling me over?" and the cops says "nobody flips me the bird and gets away with it!"

sorry about that

i am trying to think of something profound to say but nothing is coming. Do you guys have anything? OOH OOH I know.

A wise man once said..a man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.

how was that? life changing? do you feel smarter for having read this blog yet? i certainly feel smarter for having written it. wow. utterly fantastic.

be safe and may god bless you and all that is yours.

How are you?

2004-04-18T15:28:00.000-07:00

I am not so good. I hate cramps. They are the evil red headed step child of my otherwise beautiful world. Huh the red reference is slightly disturbing. Very unintentional.

So I had this date last night. Went out to dinner. It was good food, nice conversation, but there really was just nothing there. Maybe my mind was thinking about other things. That is probably the case but either way I don't think that I will be doing that again.

I think that I might be a bitch. I am selfish and I think pretty shallow about some things although not all things. I definitely like what I like. I am too picky but I wouldn't have it any other way. Ah the confessions of a confused mind. Well enough of that.

I have decided that little towns just south of me produce very unexpected things. Why? well, of you know you know and if you don't well fuck if you aren't missing out. Move south of me, be a girl, and then you will know. HEHE

I think that maybe the drugs are wearing off. Does any of this make sense? I think maybe not. Oh well I try.

Not sucks

2004-04-17T22:55:00.000-07:00

So I thought about writing a post tonight that actually made some sense and didn't leave you wanting to poke your eyes out with a dull stick (as opposed to the sharp one) but then I realized, that takes effort.

went with lisa to get the ole hair done today. Just got a little off the ends. She got a color job. The reason I am telling you this is because we may post pictures of it. You all may one day know what a hot little number we are. Well you already know about her.

I am thinking about stealing the fantasy Friday idea from bored housewife. I think I should be able to pull a little good erotica out of my hat. I do have a few personal stories that I may be able to post. What do you think? I can't promise greatness but it may be better than the mindless drivel that I am usually writing.

I was thinking about
Belle the other day and I had to wonder, what is so wrong with walking around the house while brushing your teeth. I mean, If god can do it then it must be alright. I hope I don't upset you Belle. I would hate to think that I could never have an intimate tooth brushing relationship with you. Belle, if it upsets you to think of roaming brushers I can change. I swear it.

Well I think that I have avoided the homework thing long enough. SHITTY!!

This may be a long one

2004-04-17T09:53:00.000-07:00

No, not that although it is a long one too. I meant the post. I would like to start off by acknowledging the uncultured swine.

SPEEDWAY:

The uncultered swine is actually the sister-in-law that I went to Arizona with. We were trying to go to the desert museum and to do that we were to turn right on speedway.

She was driving and we turned left because we're not as smart as some of you would like to think.

Well we traveled the wrong way down for about half an hour before speedway turned into this fantastic road full of those kind of bumps that make your stomach drop.

So what did we do?

We drove over and over and over and over that road. We already knew that it was the wrong way because we had asked. But did we turn and go the other way? well...yeah. we turned and went the other way. Duh!! but we only did that after about half an hour of playing on the bumps.

But it gets worse.....

The next day we went to Tombstone and on the way back? Yeah we went on speedway. No it was not on the way either. We diliberately drove out of our way to do the bumps again.

But it gets worse. The next day we were leaving. We were running a little bit late but did that matter? HELL NO!!! We drove out of our way again to go down speedway.

I am a fucking dork. But at least I am not the only one. right....RIGHT?!?!?!!?

I went to a bar with Bored Housewife last night. Did a little dancing. Made a little love. Well basically got down tonight. yes I know that is overplayed.

Anyway we did karaoke, pearl jam of course, and was it fabulous. The hottie boy that I went with said that the whole bar started having a hell of a lot more fun during and after we sang. woohoo.

Speaking of hottie boys...there were so many of them at this bar. Holy crapamoley. Yeah and in order to toot my own horn, I think that I danced with ALL of them. I kept getting asked who I was with and getting told that I was sexy and yadayadayada but then the icing on the cake was when I was dancing with this girl and she said all those things to me. Yeah. She totally wanted to take me home!! How groovy is that?!?!?

Yes, I do dance with girls. They don't have cooties ya know. That word was COOTIES. not the other one. So that was all fun and games. And no I did not go home with her. Too old!

So then as we were leaving I was handing out bhwife's url and these guys said "hey, we didn't get to see your boobs." to which I said. "And your not fucking going to either. The hooker thing is just an act." Then they were following me around for a bit so I walked over to the guy I was with, He is hugely tall by the way, anyway he stood up and they literally ran away. HEHEHE funny.

Must go have my hair done today. Another hot night on the town. Gotta friends b-day party. Need to put in more fragment sentences in this paragraph. Yeah so type to you later. (my attempt at a joke)

Ode to a Bored Housewife,

2004-04-13T16:33:00.000-07:00

So, hear is why I like Bored Housewife a little more than you right now.
1. She posted nearly nude pictures of her cootchy
2. She didn't bitch about it
3. She actually is a very cool dude-ett
4. She probably knows how to spell dude-ett
5. She actually reads this fucking blog
6. She encourages my insanity
7. and other things that she probably shouldn't
8. She is the mother of the two headed three legged bastard child I have.

So maybe the last one isn't true but damnit the rest of it is!

I just got back for Arizona where I spent my time being taken out to eat, lounging in extravigant surroundings, and getting contact high from my aunt and uncle (who are sixty) smoking the horticulture.

It was great!!

I also went to see Tombstone (the whole Wyatt Earp thing). It was sooooooo fabulous. I love that kind of stuff. I spent well over fifty bucks in souvenirs. So groovy pardner.

Also I had a shoot out. Well, not so much me as the people that are paid to do it for my entertainment.

And by "do it" i do not actually mean in the sexual way although i think that the whole rugged thing did make me a little wet.

OOPS did I type that out loud!!??!!??!!

Anyway I promise to the two people that read this that I will try to be a little more consistent in the whole posting thing.

OR whatever that means. And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed just to get it all out what's in my head and I , I am feeling a little peculiar. And so I wake in the mornin and I step outside and I take a deep breath and get real high and I scream at the top of my lungs WHAT'S GOING ON.

That is what we like to refer to as going off on a tangent. Thank you. Thank you very much.

So do you think it is bad to mix....

2004-04-06T14:33:00.000-07:00

xanax and beer
Monkeys and Turtles
Tarantulas and Snakes
Boys and girls
Mcdonalds and Elementary schools
me and guns
Guns and Roses
War of the roses
roses and tulips
tulips and two lips

I think that I am getting off track here.

And I'm back. Did you miss me? I missed me and since I am the only one that really matters I say great.

So then yesterday was the most refreshing day of my life I think. I feel swell and not just because I have PMS. I feel swell for many other reasons. Which I am not telling you but it has to do with dying. Which I am sorry to inform you that I am dead. Wait...that was someone else. The fucker!

Just so you know I normally have a great respect for the dead.

So, are you ready for easter? I am! I am going out of town. That makes me as ready for easter as the big floppy eared bunny that haunts my every moment.

I went for a fabulous bike ride up the canyon today. I didn't even crash. Niether did my four year old son who rode his very own bike (with training wheels, but it is a groovy start right). Niether, for that matter, did my two year old son who was in the bike trailer I towed. Wow. I would say that all in all today is pretty fab.

I think that I am going to get disowned for not going to my grandpa's funeral. I don't really give a rats ass, but I will let you know.

Well like I think I will like make like a tree and leave. Totally see you later dudes!

To Belle,

2004-04-03T22:48:00.000-07:00

Dear Belle,

I feel I hardly know you, but I hardly think that matters. I would like to thank you personally for thinking of me when you had a dream about being a hooker. It gives me great honor that you would bestow upon me such a great title as the hooker dream maker and I think that I should let you know that.
Thank you to god, my agent, Chaz, and all the many, many men and women that made this possible. *sniff sniff* I love you all so much and want to thank you for this dubious honor.

Back to life.

I totally went and sold myself...sorry...stuff at a yard sale today and made eighty bucks. I like eighty bucks. So that was new and different. I sold my ex's speakers. HEHE don't tell. Yeah I mean you! Don't fuckin open your mouth!! JEEZ you are always blowing my greatest secrets of all time.

I was thinking about going out with Boredhousewife tonight but then I realized that if I went out that would constitute maybe having some resemblence of a life, so here I sit.

I think that if I were a frog I would be a poison tree frog. There is a reason though and it is because African Dwarf Frogs are not poisonous.

Well that is all this little chickadee is going to write for tonight. Remind me to lay off the xanax before the next post.

Love you bye....

Class is over and I am sad

2004-04-01T15:12:00.000-07:00

Every five weeks I finish a class and yesterday was that day. You may ask yourselves why I should be sad finishing a class, especially when I am 99% sure I have an A. Well I will tell you...

My teacher was soooooo damn hot!

Not hot like I am desperate, because I am not ok, no matter what you've heard. I swear!! Fine believe whatever the fuck you want. Hot like ummmm thanks for the A can we go to bed for the next sixteen days straight?!?!

Maybe I will ask him as soon as I know that I got an A. If I got a B then I will only sleep with him for 14 days straight. I do have some pride ya know.

Well I am almost oughta here on a plane to my uncle's house. Next weekend!! I am mostly excited because he has beer and I have xanax. WEEHAAAAAAA!

hey lisa, I would love a good game of go hide and fuck yourself. But instead of myself, how about a random McDonalds worker. Is that at all possible?

I think that you have suffered enough.